Does it ever
seem to you
that "God’s out
there and I’m down
here" and you just aren’t
able to make a connection?
Thousands are discovering
their way to God
in the age-old tradition
of spiritual direction.

What is Spiritual Direction Anyway?

by Sr. Kathryn James Hermes, FSP

I can remember as a little girl going to the woods for adventures with my friends. Deep in the woods a stream chuckled its way between the trees. We would cast into the water twigs and leaves that had fallen from the surrounding trees. It was only twenty years later that this scene took on a meaning so profound that it would change the course of my life entirely. Gradually, under the influence of this lesson so simply taught, I came to accept the meaning of my life, to understand the ups and the downs, the joys and the pains, to know deeply the mystery of surrender taught to me by the twigs and leaves: I am not a piece of driftwood floating aimlessly on a mighty and at times destructive sea. I am a precious vessel. Dearly loved and cherished by an all-good and infinitely tender God.

Why is it so hard to believe that we are a "precious vessel"? What is it that sets our lives adrift and makes us feel like we are floating aimlessly through our days and nights, through soccer practices, girl scouts, dinner parties, football games, work? We are overwhelmed by cares, confused by our feelings, unable to figure out solutions to problems, over-worked, over-tired, over-stimulated, or we simply are unable to come up with the energy to channel our life in a positive direction. Or maybe we’re simply alone.

Our hectic life acquires deeper meaning when we discover we are cherished and loved. During our life our relationship with a loving God will play a key role in living a peacefilled, presence-filled life. This relationship may erupt in anger when tragedy strikes our family or for a period of our life take the back seat as we run after things more pressing or more satisfying. We may have made great strides in our relationship with God when we were children, but find that as adults we do not know how to relate to God and to pray in a mature way.

A Powerful Means of Deepening a Relation with God

In the past twenty years, more and more people from all walks of life and all faiths have been seeking spiritual direction as a powerful means of deepening their relationship with God and as an aid to discerning how they can respond to God’s invitations to a healthier, happier, and more abundant life. Spiritual direction is a conversation with another with whom you share your life, your experience of prayer, the movement of the Spirit within you. As the other person listens, prays with you, and points out certain things you may not be aware of, you become more attentive and responsive to the Spirit’s action in your life. Ann Nerbun, a mother of eight and a nurse in South Carolina, said that she sought out spiritual direction when she was in college in order to obtain guidance in deciding what to do with her life. "I was confused about what God wanted of me," she recalls. "I felt called to something spiritual and felt I needed direction. I began spiritual direction with the chaplain of our nursing school, a Jesuit priest, who became my spiritual director and confessor for the next four years. This had a profound effect on my life!"

Father John P. Tackney, Pastor of Sacred Heart Parish in Cambridge, Massachusetts, has been a spiritual director for the past fifteen years. Over the past decade, he has noted the growing interest in spiritual direction among the laity. "This thirst I see among the laity for help in achieving a deeper relationship with God is a tremendous gift for the Church. People seek spiritual direction when they become drawn by God into a relationship of love, respect and freedom. With the growing number of lay people involved in ministry in the Church, we will see more and more people seeking spiritual direction in the coming years."

A Companion on the Way of Faith

Father Tackney defines a spiritual director as "a companion on the way of faith, a friend and companion of one’s soul, another self who gently and personally points out the breathings and voice of the Spirit of the Lord Jesus."

Our relationship with God is such a personal thing that some wonder how it is possible to allow another person into such an intimate part of one’s life. How can another human person help us to discern what God is saying to us? How does opening my life to another help me to grow in freedom, in prayer, in peace? I think the answer to this lies in another question. Are you satisfied with your life, or do you sometimes wonder if there is something more? Are you content with the way you pray? Do you think there is a possibility that you are being called to a deeper relationship with God?

The Holy Spirit is the Spiritual Director. He is present in the director to help him or her "notice" the movement of the Spirit in the directee. He is present in the directee and leads those willing to follow his guidance to a state of inner freedom and truth. The spiritual life is an arduous, confusing journey—if it is attempted on one’s own. "A spiritual director or companion," Fr. Tackney asserts, "can help another by listening, praying with them, and also pointing out certain things in a very objective way. Spiritual direction enables one to grow in love and freedom and relationship with the Lord."

Tom and Mary Jane Fox, members of St. Matthew’s parish in San Antonio, Texas, both go for spiritual direction. Mary Jane says, "The effects of spiritual direction have been liberating. Through discernment and dialogue, I have been able to make decisions I can be peaceful about. It has brought much peace to our marriage, and a greater bond in my relationship with my husband." Tom continues, "Mary Jane and I have had different spiritual directors over the past few years that have helped us. Presently we have the same spiritual director who spends time with us together as a couple and then with us individually. He knows what our goals are and what our weaknesses are. He helps us to communicate with each other better and to surrender attitudes or opinions that can cause tension. We are continually challenged to keep God in the center of our lives."

Main Goals of Spiritual Direction

The main goals of spiritual direction are these: that those being directed become more comfortable with themselves so that their relationship with the Lord is healthier, that they grow in love and freedom as persons and also as Christian disciples, that they grow in a deeper relationship with the Lord—a relationship that is based on trust, love, mutual respect and concern. Upon beginning spiritual direction a person may discover in himself or herself obstacles to growth in a healthy relationship with God. Father Tackney sees as chief among these: "a lack of personal freedom, lack of self-esteem, lack of a healthy self-image, resistance to dealing with blockages in their life that prevent them from growing in their friendship with the Lord. Unless these are dealt with, even through professional counseling if necessary, growth in the spiritual life will be diminished. As St. Irenaeus says, ‘The glory of God is a person fully alive.’ A person fully alive is a person in touch with their own feelings, their own joys. Until a person does this in tandem with their growth in love and freedom and relationship with the Lord, then spiritual direction will not be as fruitful as it could be."

Thomas Merton, a contemplative monk and famous spiritual director, maintained that we could only become saints by assuming full responsibility for our lives just as they are, with all their handicaps and limitations, and submitting ourselves to the purifying and transforming action of the Savior. Spiritual direction is a helpful tool for anyone who is serious about their faith-commitment. Tony, a twenty-six-year old police officer in Virginia, began to look into his faith seriously when he was challenged by a friend who was a Jehovah’s Witness. "I began to read—really read—about the Church and what it teaches. It started as a way to find answers for the questions my friend was asking. But the more I read, the more I began to realize that what the Church teaches is incredible: it made sense. I began to think about all that I had been taught; I had taken it all for granted. If I believed what I said I believed, then the way that I was acting had to change. I had a choice, and something had to give. So my journey began, many years too late, but it had begun."

What Happens in Spiritual Direction

We could characterize spiritual direction as a conversation between two people who are serious about their journey to the Lord. They, as Merton says, are mature enough in their relationship with the Lord that they want to assume full responsibility for it. The directee comes to the session with the spiritual director having reflected on questions life these: Am I at peace? What is bothering me? What unfinished business is laying about the corners of my life? What problems am I facing and how do I react to them? What decisions lie before me, and how do I feel about them? He or she has spent time quietly allowing their life, especially their emotional and social life, to surface before the Lord.

The spiritual director listens to the one being directed, taking note of what is said and not said. It is a kind of listening that accepts and understands, that patiently waits for the revelation of another. Good listening is like tuning the dial on the radio, it clears the static so that the person can hear the Spirit. At the right moment, the spiritual director offers deeper understanding into what is being revealed by the directee. The spiritual director affirms the person being directed in his or her giftedness, a giftedness which for many is hidden under the crust of a poor self image. By revealing to the person seeking direction the beautiful gifts given them by God and the radical positivity of themselves as persons, the spiritual director frees him or her to respond with enthusiasm and freedom to the invitations of the Spirit.

Spiritual direction also involves confrontation. Father Tackney believes that "a good director must be able to correct the directee firmly and at the right time. He or she may be pursuing a path that is not wholly Spirit-inspired. This might be more apparent to the director than the one seeking spiritual direction. The director must tactfully enlighten the person with concern and respect."

The journey of spiritual growth often brings us to the experience of the dryness of the desert. Many people cop out on spiritual growth at points like this, simply because they do not have someone to help them get through the darkness. At one time or another in their life, everyone experiences tragedy and pain. A good spiritual director can help a Christian handle feelings of anger or depression and help them to grow in their experience of the love of the Lord.

Spiritual Direction and Following the Spirit’s Lead

Lastly, Father Tackney believes, "The spiritual director helps a person in the process of spiritual discernment. The director is not out front, as it were, leading the person according to some preconceived plan. Rather the good director stays in the background listening, questioning at the proper time, acting in whatever manner best enables him or her to see how the Spirit seems to be moving this particular person. In order for the director to help a person discern the Spirit breathing in their life, he or she must share the prayer life of the one being directed. The directee must be willing to share the lights and various movements of the Spirit that he or she is experiencing in prayer. If this happens, the director can apply the rules of discernment and can thus aid the directed person in making decisions about what he or she thinks the Spirit is saying or asking them to do."

Carol, who lives in Arlington, Massachusetts, affirms, "Now I know in a deeper way that the Lord has greater charge of my life and a real interest and concern for even the details. I have become more relaxed and trusting of him. I see now that God is not an ‘answering machine,’ but rather wants a personal relationship with me as much as I do with him. His love and concern are real."

Margaret Moran, a fifty-year old resident of Cambridge, Massachusetts, affirms: "Spiritual direction has added another dimension to my life. I feel a sense of being loved and appreciated I have never before experienced. It is what my life’s search has been about. I feel as fulfilled as I can ever expect to feel. My gratitude to God for that experience makes me want to grow as much as I can and to help others to grow."

Finding a Spiritual Director

Finding a good spiritual director can be a challenge. How does one begin. As one friend of mine asked: "Do I put an ad in the paper?" Not hardly. First start with your own parish. Ask the priest or deacon if they go to spiritual direction and whom they would recommend. If you don’t turn up anyone there, go to the Office of Spiritual Development of your diocese and ask them where you would find a good and trained spiritual director for a lay person. If you don’t get an answer there, go to the nearest seminary and ask the staff whom they would recommend. You could also inquire at a center of spirituality where spiritual directors are trained. Each diocese has such a center for religious development. You want to find a spiritual director who has an ability to listen, who possesses knowledge about the spiritual life as well as the psychological and sociological sciences, who is trained for the work he or she does, who is empathetic and able to assist in discerning the movements of the Spirit.

There is nothing so freeing as to discover for yourself that God has an all-embracing, all-encompassing love for you that will last forever. Nothing you could ever do could obliterate that love from his heart, or wipe your name from the palm of his hands. Spiritual direction is all about discovering that love and allowing it to wash over us and hold us in its Power.

Those who enter into spiritual direction choose to give their life a deeper meaning. "I am still on that journey," says Tony, "and I am afraid I have taken the ‘long way around’ sometimes. But in the end, I hope to achieve all that I believe in—to be with God, to love God, to cease to offend him. It seems that being ‘normal’ in today’s society leaves something to be desired. Something is missing. Well, I have found it, and I intend to keep it."