My Life is Christ

Paul teaches that a vital, personal experience of Jesus Christ is the first key to interpreting the Scriptures, the Word of God. Without this experience, we make God say what we want him to say, believing that this is what he really wants to communicate to us. If God is reduced to the measure of human beings, then our relationship with others is also falsified. The others must become "images of us," reflecting what we think and wanting what we want. If a relationship lacks the dimension of listening and response, then imposition takes over: "You have to..." Wasn't this the attitude of Saul, who persecuted the Christians because they were not supposed to question the rules of their "fathers" in the faith?

After a long apprenticeship aimed at learning to live the Law--a learning period sadly lacking in surprises and wonder--Saul was "seized" by Christ (cf. Phil. 3:12), who opened his eyes, his heart, his ears, and his mouth and who launched him on a new journey. Thus Saul (now Paul) entered into a new relationship with God, one characterized by total communication. This relationship involved seeing in depth (=becoming aware of things): "Who are you, Lord?"; a trusting response: "What do you want me to do?", followed by action: he began a new journey. Up to this moment, Paul thought he knew everything and had no need to ask anyone "What do you want me to do?" But now he enters into relationship (=dialogue, communication) with Another. The relationship requires Paul to look, listen, respond,and act.

A conversion to relationship

In meeting Jesus, Paul--who felt that he possessed the entire truth--is blinded. This blindness can also symbolize Paul's sense of loss in seeing nothing, in realizing that his life was based on human plans and reasoning. Paul's conversion lies in this: he, who did not have to listen to anyone (because he already knew everything and observed the Law in its entirety!) finds himself obliged to say: "Who are you, Lord?" Formerly confident that he knew the difference between good and evil, he is now forced to ask: "What do you want me to do?" And thus he sets out in a direction totally different from the path he had originally chosen, moving from a lack of communion to a relationship that would be expressed by communicating the "good" he had received. Paul becomes aware of the fact that the Scriptures are speaking of Jesus and are directed to him--a fact that in his "blindness" and "deafness" he had failed to understand up to then. And so: to whom or to what had he been listening?

Saul the Pharisee loved God passionately. He did not convert from evil to good. He was a Pharisee, trying his best to be just, observant. Some scholars say that it was precisely the depth of his love for God that made it possible for him to undergo such a radical change of life and mentality. Some also think that after the failure of his first attempt to preach the Gospel in Damascus and Jerusalem, Paul withdrew to the desert (Act 9:19-30) precisely in order to study (=listen to) the Scriptures in the light of the crucified and risen Christ.

(By Sr. Filippa Castronovo, FSP; International Encounter on Jesus Master, WTL, 1998).

At the Center: Jesus Master | Prayer to Jesus Master | Why St. Paul | Getting to Know Paul the Apostle
Mary, as Mother, Teacher and Queen | Apostolic Spirituality and Holiness | Communicating Christ