Boy Food

By Diane Stuart

As Aziz Hama slowly chewed his roasted carrots, his nose began to twitch. He bounced up and down in his chair-slowly at first, but soon he was almost hopping.

"Oh no!" groaned his sister, Dee. "Here we go again!"

"Let me guess," said his dad. "Rabbit."

Aziz nodded in what he hoped was rabbit style.

Mrs. Hama sighed, "Aziz, this isn't funny any more."

Aziz shrugged. "It's not my fault."

"Oh right," Dee said. "You're suddenly allergic to food!"

"Not all food," Aziz corrected her. "Just animal food."

"And whenever you eat what you call 'animal' food you turn into the animal that eats that kind of food?" asked Mrs. Hama.

"Yes," said Aziz. "Like last night. I started to morph after only two bites of tuna loaf."

"You were so weird," Dee shuddered. "When you started crawling around and meowing, I was totally grossed out."

"It wasn't my fault," Aziz said. "I can't control my reactions."

"It's got to stop," Mr. Hama said. "We can't have these antics at every meal!"

Mrs. Hama began to agree but suddenly stopped. If Aziz had been paying closer attention, he would have seen the twinkle in her eyes.

"Maybe Aziz does have the solution," she said. "I think we should try his plan. From now on I'll give him only 'boy food.'"

"That's not fair!" said Dee. "You know it's only an act. He just wants to eat junk food all the time."

Aziz was too busy twitching to notice his mother wink at Dee. His mouth watered as he thought about his next meals. "I'll give you a list of the things I can eat," he said.

"All right, but remember-no nuts or you'll turn into an elephant again," said his mother.

Aziz mentally crossed Oh Henry bars from his list.

"And no bananas," Dee reminded him.

Aziz scratched out banana splits. This wasn't going to be as easy as he'd expected.

The next evening, Aziz contemplated his dinner: potato chips, a chocolate bar, a mound of jelly beans, a huge piece of toffee and orange soda. Boy food! He smiled with satisfaction and dug in.

Breakfast the following morning was just as wonderful-a big bowl of chocolate-covered raisins. The hot chocolate was delicious too, but it would have been better with whipped cream instead of marshmallows. When he suggested this, his mother said, "But Aziz, dairy products make you moo like a calf!"

At lunch, his friends were amazed when Aziz peeled back the bread on his sandwich.

"A chocolate bar sandwich?" asked Troy.

Aziz nodded and grinned. He bit into it. It was rather dry. He choked as he tried to wash it down with grape soda. Next time he'd ask his mom to moisten it with a layer of chocolate pudding.

Aziz soon lost track of the number of chocolate bars, potato chips and jelly beans he'd eaten. His family seemed pleased. He hadn't turned into an animal once since he'd begun the new diet. But sometimes he felt dizzy, and his stomach hurt all the time. Could he be getting the flu?

Two days later Mrs. Hama served a pepperoni pizza for dinner. His favorite! He reached for a slice oozing with cheese and tomato sauce.

"Aziz! You can't have that!" his mother warned.

"But Mom, I love pizza."

"You know what cheese does to you," said Dee.

He started to protest. Then he remembered the night they had macaroni and cheese. It made him squeak like a mouse.

Mrs. Hama put a big bowl of Jell-O with marshmallows in front of him. His stomach lurched. He ate slowly, watching the others demolish the lovely pizza. He would have traded a bucket of candies for just one sliver of it.

On the fourth night, his family enjoyed a chicken tortellini dinner. A week ago, chicken had turned him into a wolf. He munched unhappily on a chocolate wafer.

His mother served carrot cake with cream cheese frosting for dessert. "I'm sorry you can't have any," she said. He nodded and took another bite of wafer. He was so tired of chocolate he could scream.

"I've been thinking," he told his mom the next morning. "I believe my body could tolerate some 'animal food' again."

"Oh? That sounds dangerous."

"No, Mom. I think I've built up an immunity."

"It's a risk," Mrs. Hama warned.

"Maybe I could try a smoothie." said Aziz.

"Banana and milk and yogurt!?"

"Please?" Aziz pleaded.

They watched anxiously as he took his first mouthful. The smoothie was deliciously creamy. Aziz savored its rich banana flavor. He sighed.

"Was that a moo?" Mr. Hama asked

"Or a monkey chirp?" Dee wondered.

"No," Aziz replied. "That was just me." He took another sip. "I think I've outgrown my allergy."

His mom and dad grinned.

Dee took a bite of her peanut butter on toast. Suddenly she knelt on her chair. Her arms dangled at her sides.

"Ooo, ooo, ooo," she grunted.

She bounced a few times and made more monkey noises. Then she sat down again, picked up her toast and, with a mischievous smile, began to munch it. q